Logical to a Fault

You know, a lot of people have told me to reach out if I need anything or if I want or need to just talk.  I’m starting to realize why I don’t… the very reason they are saying that in the first place.  I’m struggling, but we are all struggling.  I look at myself and the fact that I’m hanging on by the last three fingers of my left hand.  Dangling off the cliff of the abyss, and I think to myself what it would do to me if someone were to discuss their problems as well.  The weight of it all and the realization that there is no true happy place in the world.  While the thought of having someone to share with and commiserate the troubles of life might be helpful, it would also remind me that we are ALL struggling.  With that you then begin to question why we are all so unhappy… and if anyone is happy.  Once you start down that road you begin to question the meaning of it all… you begin to question what it is that makes us so unhappy.  Unrealistic expectations?  Unrealized potential?  A lack of a sense of self-worth?  A lack of affirmation?  The need to feel accomplished?  We are all struggling to get through the day, the week, the month, the year, or this life as a whole.  Because of that we don’t know how to really connect with others.  We’re all so busy fighting to keep our own demons at bay that we don’t see or have time for the others doing the very same thing.  We try, but it’s hard to really help someone else when you’re fighting your own fight as well.  If we do have a moment, it’s because we have a brief moment of clarity and strength before the next storm hits.  Now the question is, do we use that moment to strengthen ourselves, to help others, or a mixture of both?  Will those moments ever be enough to truly end the war on oneself and the world around us?  Probably not, but I refuse to take those moments away from someone else because I covet my own so much.  I appreciate them when I have them and I miss them when they’re over.  So no, I probably won’t be asking anyone for help or discussing my situation with anyone else if I can avoid it.  We’re all barely holding on and I don’t want to be the one responsible for giving someone else my negativity and situation to add to their own and becoming the final nail in their coffin to say “F*** this, I’m out” and they let go of the cliff’s edge.  Just know that I am doing my best, fighting as best as I can, and don’t want to add to your weight and struggle.